in zwei Tagen zurück Rap

It's 2020 and suddenly

I'm a g********** employee

I was broke, but not broken

I was woke, but hadn't spoken

I rested, then climbed the mountains

Interested, motivated, the mind trains

Tested, proven, I make my point

I pick up my memoir, it does paint

The pain, then again, the mistakes

That's what it takes

And now, it's like wow

At this age, no hereditary privilege

I pay in taxes, what you earn in months

Not a prey, I'm a hunter who hunts

And maybe I should stop braggin

But the truth is, them only plural fact

I been droppin the Gs, I leave you hangin

I'm on, Geez, I'm high but intact

I'm done, I'm one, I won,I won't stop.

Till I drop, I don't give up, and I'm gone.

Good about oneself

How do people feel good about themselves. I guess being stupid helps. When you are stupid enough to follow the rules without questioning them its much easier to be content and feel good about yourselves because you are taught to feel good about yourselves because you are being a good person that is you are being a model citizen who abides and lives by the rules. I wish I had been that person. But I'm glad I'm not I don’t wanna live like that. It’s pointless I guess. There is no point in living a life that you are supposed to. The only life worth living is the one you want to.

Fever. Rap, Emo, Blues

Fever, you're not gonna get me down
My wbc is gonna fight you till dawn
They gonna eat you zombie like it's nothing
And gonna remember this fight, we stronger
Just hold on tight, trust yourself a while longer
Shut your trap Fever, I gotta get things done
Cuz lying on a bed all day isn't fun
Fevers a dawg, gotta make it quick, rage
Not gonna help you, 42° that's brain damage
Relax bruh, we all gotta die someday
And decompose into food someday
For maggots, roaches and vermin's someday
Remains washes into sewer someday
And nobodies gonna remember you after that may day
Give it a few years, Oblivion finds a way
But this isn't a time to be flightless
I gotta fly like a motherfucking flight risk
Still have no money for aster med crib
Cuz Their room service bill cost my whole life
Or may be I should try cocaine
With LSD like Dr house and get this over with
Sorry father, I did drugs, (all losers think I'm filth)
And it wasn't from pharmacy or FDA approved
But I'm feeling better
Wont you pray for me, save my soul for me
From this hell I made for me, mother won't you forgive me

Ode to sorrow of tomorrow

I don't like describing myself
and I'm tired of explaining why
it's so much easier not to
because one day I too shall die
I don't want to talk about me
It's not like they would understand anyway
Tried young everyday, in everyway
No matter, how hard I try
Because it's everything like as  to deny
That one day I too shall die
And every day we wake up
here, nothing much to do about it
All we can do is cry, so don't
Tomorrows have nothing to say
Tomorrows are just hopeless
Tomorrow I will grow older
Tomorrow I will die

Je suise (on my) side

My suicide speech leaves all speechless
Should speak less, which is my weakness
...
After 25 lines...
.
It's something I will only sell you
I tell you, I tell you...
.
Poetry and rhythm inspired by first chapter from poetry from loss, suffering and depression.

Guesstimated pain available (GPA)

I am more than ever closer to finding out who I am and even more so on what I want. I guess it feels like everything that I thought was important is fading into the background and nothing hurts anymore.

Gaming disorder. Skit 3/6 or 12

Councilor - how much time do you spend playing games ?

Me - 3hrs

Councilor - 3hrs a day isn't actually that bad.

Me - it's actually 3hrs every 6hrs.

Councilor - what?! That's 12hrs a day...

To be concluded...

Mortal morbidity

I keep telling myself that everything's going to be alright. Even when I know it isn't. Everybody knows what's happening and they choose to turn a blind eye. Just because you conscientiously ignore what's happening doesn't mean it's not happening and what is eventually going to happen in inference to the overture of what's currently happening. It will definitely, and whatever You thought of about the ones you loved, ones you hurt, those things that belonged to one another of staying the same, it's not going to. In the end we all meet at the same place and you know that it's not ever going to come back to you, once lost, nothing will...

Brain haemorrhage

Even though I walk in the valley of ashes, I do not fear because you all aren't with me, for hell isn't a place it's just people around you...
.
A Psalm paraphrasal

Premeditated suicide

May be accepting the fact that I can never be happy is enough to fill the emptiness of the locked room that I have been living my whole life in. that feeling which haunts me so ever presently and lingers in the corners of my mind as if compelling me to find peace nonetheless how futile it may be, as I continue to live for a reason to kill myself.

Overstand.

I guess people react to things they can't understand in different ways. Some fear it, some hate it, some Admire it...

" To what category do you belong to" asked the reader

Author replied "to the one that tries to understand"

Autobiography of a millennial

Life is a tale of life long battle with internet and gaming addiction full of tons of gigs and call of duty signifying high speed internet and in-depth story line with tremendous attention given to details.

RED through the years

At school it was red
And towards the end it was light pink
By the time I finished college it was sunset orange
And as I stared into the Oblivion which was actually a blank white wall, I realized I had graduated from a University and my favorite color was  #fd5e53.

Tres Quotes

School me -" hell isn't a place, it's people around you"

College me - " I'm absolutely sure of what I want to do and what I'm best at, and that makes me complete in everyway"

University me- " life is meaningless and whatever we do doesn't matter because we are going to die anyway, but knowing this is in itself meaningless because we think all this inside the context of a meaningless life. Language is gibberish, so is our culture. Everything is empty. We all are nothing. There is nothing"

I guess quotes belong to famous people. There is no such thing as to be great inorder to do great things. Well everyone's a sheep and we live under the pretence that we are somebody when infact that's something we remember rarely.

Past future

Sometimes it's better to wrap yourself in the warm blanket of the past than to go out into the unsettling cold of an indifferent future....

Astra nocta

Devour the night alone
You nocturnal primal creature
So out of the darkness
Let me see your features
Your shape is the cure
Impaled the evil so pure
Your blood, the Auburn
In an Autumn wind
Let us together burn
And watch where we wind
Staring at the portrait
Of a young saint Faustus
As Vlad of valachia
I bow down to thee
your soul alas vowed unto me.